Because instantly alienating a huge chunk of your demographic through offensive humour is the best way to sell soda pop. (x)
I used to be a Dr. Pepper drinker, but then I took a shitty advertising campaign to the balls.
Meh, I drink it. Just to spite ‘em.
(Also, nothing beats the original. And Kamen Rider Fourze, with the five and a half minutes of two guys tearfully bonding over fatherly disappointment, is manlier than this.)